


Alone (Or Maybe Not So Much)

by never_bloom_again



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: :(, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cinnamon Roll Ray Palmer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I dont even think half of this makes sense, Insecurity, Leonard Snart died, Loneliness, M/M, Mick Rory Defense Squad, Mick Rory Needs a Hug, Ray is a sweetheart, Suicidal Mick Rory, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, that isnt major though, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22331887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: It's shockingly easy to feel alone on a time travelling spaceship.
Relationships: Mick Rory & Leonard Snart, Nate Heywood & Mick Rory, Ray Palmer & Mick Rory, Ray Palmer/Mick Rory, Sara Lance & Mick Rory
Comments: 11
Kudos: 54





	Alone (Or Maybe Not So Much)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy this! I haven't written fanfiction in 3 years, or really written anything creative in over a year and a half. I also hate editing my own work, so if you find errors, let me know (I am very happy to edit other peoples though!)  
> In addition, I just wanted to make it clear, in case you haven't read the tags, that this is not a happy story. It has a happy ending, but is centred around a suicide attempt. So please all be careful if that may trigger you!  
> Also, the ending is VERY unrealistic, but I did want to give it a cute, sappy ending, so please don't complain about that...  
> Anyways, enjoy!

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Ideation

It turns out that it is incredibly easy to be lonely on a time travelling space ship, even when you have 6 others onboard the majority of the time. Maybe it wasn’t so lonely when you had your girlfriend or boyfriend on the ship, or just a call away, or when you had your best friend just a few rooms from you. Mick Rory, unfortunately, had none of the above. He had a dead best friend, and a hopeless crush on the only person on the godforsaken ship who actually seemed to see him as someone, something better than a useless thug with a fancy gun.

But I guess when you are known for being a dumb, useless career criminal, no one can be expected to get close enough to you to think you are better. And if Mick was going to be brutally honest, that description was accurate. It was just that sometimes he wished that… well he wished that maybe someone see who he was beyond that. And there were only ever three people across his life who had - there was Len, of course, the first person and the only person he had ever fully trusted (as much as someone as emotionally messed up as him could), and whom had given him just as much trust in return. The second, Lisa. When you basically grow up as a second brother to a young child, it is hard for them not to see you through rose tinted glasses. Shockingly though, even once Lisa grew out of her childlike view of the world, she never completely lost faith in his ability to be something more than he ever was. The final person was, of course, Ray Palmer. The one man in the whole multiverse who could probably make a serial killer seem like the greatest person to ever have lived. The man Mick had been attracted to, from the moment he had seen his annoying, yet somehow infectious grin. The man who Mick had to push away, before he inevitably corrupted his goodness.

So when you only have one person who actually cares about you beyond being useful in missions, and you have to push them away for their own good, you end up pretty lonely. So Mick tried his hardest to lose himself in his writing and to drown his sorrows in the six packs of beer he got Gideon to fabricate. But no matter how hard he tried, nothing ever seemed to fill the void that was left by the loneliness. He guessed he kind of deserved it though, which was why whenever anyone asked him how he was, he responded with a grunt. He told himself he didn't need their meaningless words to continue on going, but to be honest, it was getting to the point where something had to give.

It was at that point when his already reckless behaviour began to reach a dangerous point. Even Sara, who spent most of her time turning a blind eye to Mick’s behaviour on missions (“Plausible deniability,” she had said when asked about it) had confronted him, labelling his actions as “suicidal”. And if Mick were to really think about the reasoning behind his behaviour, he may have reached the same consensus. But it was easier to chalk his actions up to going stir crazy, even if he wasn’t even truly fooling himself. 

Of course, his behaviour did not just draw the captain’s attention. It drew the attention of the one man who he had been trying to distract himself from. He cursed the man’s sweet, caring nature, and tried his best to ignore Haircut’s confusion and his questions. The last thing he needed was Ray getting caught in his self destructive cycle, and ending up hurt. He couldn’t be the one to wipe the smile off of his face yet again, no matter how much he wanted to get close to him. Because everyone who did, inevitably got hurt, or ended up dead.

So when one day, the team was out on a mission and needed someone to risk being hurt, he threw himself into danger before anyone else could take his rightful place. When he heard a gunshot, he didn’t jump out of the way. When the bullet hit, he didn’t see the way Nate had been rushing to intercept it, or how Ray collapsed to the ground. Instead, he just closed his eyes and waited for it all to be over.

“He has to be okay… We can’t lose someone else…”  
“He will be alright, this is Mick we are talking about! He has to be!”  
Mick heard voices say, through the haze that seemed to take over his brain. Even as the fuzziness slowly dissipated, he couldn’t seem to open his eyes, or move his body. So he decided to listen in to the conversation happening around him.

“Ray, I know you are worried, but you can’t spend all your time here. You aren’t doing yourself any favours by not sleeping, not eating, not moving from here..” A voice, Nate possibly, said.  
“But what if something happens and no one is here! I don’t see anyone else sitting here keeping him company! What if he wakes and is all alone? What if he wakes up and thinks no one cared?” Ray responded, beginning to ramble on and on, with no foreseeable end, until Nate cut him off again.  
“I promise he knows you care. The whole team took less than a week to work out that you are in love with the man, it is so obvious, a blind man could see it. If it makes you feel better though, I’m sure I can get Sara to come and sit here for a bit, while you eat, and then sleep.”

Mick heard the footsteps, signalling their departure from the med bay, and even if he hadn’t been in a comatose state, he would have been too shocked to move. Apparently the stupid fool loved him, the same way Mick loved him. This was surely a dream; the blood loss must have caused these strange imaginings, because there was no way that a genius, a billionaire, the best person Mick knew could be capable of loving an idiotic thug. And it was not just that… Nate seemed, almost, concerned… and honestly, he wasn’t sure which part was crazier.

Eventually, after way too long spent suffering with only his thoughts and the silence, two sets of footsteps entered the room.

“This is my fault. It should have been me who took the bullet. It wouldn’t even have scratched me, and then our teammate... our friend wouldn’t be lying there, way more lifeless than he has ever been.” With Nate and this other person, entered an astounding amount of guilt, more than he had ever felt after any heist.

“Nate, you're not the one who should feel guilty. When Mick went out there today, he was going to do something stupid and reckless, just like has been doing for so many missions prior to this… I’m the captain. It’s my responsibility to protect my team! I should have tried harder. I should have done something!”  
In a rare display of emotion, Mick could hear Sara begin to cry. What had he done? He was just trying to make things easier for the team, not ruin their life further. Mick once again wished he wasn’t such a failure, that he was capable of killing himself without fucking it up, if only so the team wouldn’t have to pretend to be upset just to keep up appearances. So he would never have had to know that he had already ruined Ray’s life, because he hadn’t done a good enough job of pulling himself away.

After a while of listening to Nate and Sara cry, Gideon’s voice broke through the melancholy air. She called them all to the bridge, in order to prepare for another mission. Time seemed to drag on for a while after that, the soundless room smothering him in silence. With nothing else to do, Mick kept trying and trying to open his eyes, or lift a finger, or move at all. After what seemed to be years of trying, he managed to get his eyes open. With this sudden renewal of faith, he tried to slowly sit himself up.

“Hello again Mr Rory, I am glad to see you have woken up.” Gideon said, startling him.

“Hey Gideon. Where’re the team?” Mick responded, his throat dry and painful, and voice rough.

“The team are dealing with an anachronism in 1839, with the exception of Dr Palmer, who is in his quarters. Would you like me to inform him that you have woken up?”

“Nah, don't bother. Gonna go talk to him.” He began to get up, when Gideon interrupted.

“I am unable to let you get out of the bed at this point, Mr Rory. I will contact Dr Palmer.”

Mick grunted in return, not particularly impressed by being treated like a fragile baby by a bloody A.I., but he stayed in the bed, somewhat anxiously awaiting Ray’s arrival.

Less than a minute later, the very dishevelled scientist entered the room, clearly having just been woken up. He looked towards Mick and his apathetic look turned happy, to angry, to disappointed then sad, until it finally settled on excitement. He very quickly ran to the man in the med bay bed, and engulfed him in a hug, tears glistening in his eyes.

“Mick! You’re alive! Why would you do that! Nate could have taken the bullet with no harm done, but you threw yourself in its path! You idiot, you nearly died!” His voice shook from the excitement and the tears threatening to fall at any moment.

In return, the older man mumbled something unintelligible, returning Ray’s hug, but lightly, as though he were afraid of hurting him.

“What was that?” The taller man replied through the sobs he had given up on holding in.  
“I said that, that maybe that was the point…” The words were said only slightly louder, trailing off at the end as though Mick was ashamed to admit it. 

The crestfallen look on Ray’s face would have broken the coldest of hearts, and it killed Mick to know he had put that look on the face of the man he loved. The younger man let out a gut wrenching sob, and pulled Mick even tighter.

“I’m so sorry! I should have tried harder to check in! I should have made sure you were okay! Oh god Mick I am so sorry!” Ray said between hurried breaths.

Mick, on the other hand, let out an exasperated sigh, “Why does everyone on this ship seem to feel the need to blame themselves? It's getting a bit ridiculous, honestly. I didn’t do it because of any one person. Y’know I’m not one for feelings, but I’ll tell ya something. You actually gave me something to live for. My brain is just pretty fucked up, and… and I guess I’ve just felt pretty alone.”

It wasn’t the entire truth, but there had been way too much emotional, sappy stuff, and he didn’t need anymore. And he knew that he was just going to have to rehash all of this in the not so distant future.

Ray finally pulled himself from Mick, only far enough so that he could look the older man in the eyes. “I know that you would never be interested in me like that, but I want you to know, in case you ever feel alone again, that… That I love you.” 

The taller man turned his head away, and began to get up, when Mick grabbed his arm. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could give himself something good in his life. “Yeah Haircut, I heard you and Nate earlier," Ray turned an incredible red. "And it just turns out, I love you too.”

And with that, Ray joined Mick in the small med bay bed, and if when the team returned from their mission, they found the two cuddled together, none of them were going to say anything.


End file.
